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The table below gives information about government expenditure in five sectors relating to domestic policy in Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom in 2009. v.2

The table below gives information about government expenditure in five sectors relating to domestic policy in Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom in 2009. v. 2
The table compares the proportion in each sectors in the government expenditure in three countries namely Germany, Italy and UK in 2009. As an overview, health sector accounted nearly the same stable rate in all three countries, while the least expenditure was environmental protection in 2009. According to the table, public service was really high at Italy and Germany with was the highest in Italy and the second highest in Germany, in UK, this sector just accounted for 4, 6% in government expenditure in 2009. Health was at approximately 7% in all three countries, and was the highest proportion in Germany and UK. While Education was take more attention in UK, it stood at 6, 4% and was the second sector that government focus much on, this sector just take about 4% in the others. Economic affairs stood at around 4% in three countries. Finally, environmental protection was not be focused much that the percentage was just under 1% with 0. 7% in Germany, 0. 9% in Italy and 1% in UK.
The table compares the proportion in each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "sector"?
sectors
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenditure in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
namely
Germany, Italy and UK in 2009.

As an overview, health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
accounted
nearly
the same stable rate in all three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, while the least expenditure was environmental protection in 2009.

According to the table, public service was
really
high at Italy and Germany with was the highest in Italy and the second highest in Germany, in UK, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accounted for 4, 6% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenditure in 2009. Health was at approximately 7% in all three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and was the highest proportion in Germany and UK. While Education was take more attention in UK, it stood at 6, 4% and was the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
focus much on, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
take about 4% in the others. Economic affairs stood at around 4% in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Finally
, environmental protection was not
be focused
much that the percentage was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 1% with 0. 7% in Germany, 0. 9% in Italy and 1% in UK.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The table below gives information about government expenditure in five sectors relating to domestic policy in Germany, Italy and the United Kingdom in 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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