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The diagram shows how fruit is canned Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The diagram shows how fruit is canned
The diagram depicts the process that pears undergo to be canned. First of all, fruits are hand-picked from their trees. Then they are transported to the industry, where they are washed, checked and cold stored. The next sequence of images illustrates other different stages, where the pears are weighed, peeled, cored into smaller slices and finally they are canned into several cans. After that, the cans are sealed and put over a fire, where they can be sterilized and the pears can be cooked. Subsequently, the jars are labelled and they are carried to the storage, from where they are taken by trucks and despatched to the stores. Overall, the process consists of fourteen stages, beginning with the harvest of fruits and ending up with the despatch to the shops.
The diagram depicts the process that pears undergo to
be canned
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, fruits are hand-picked from their trees. Then they
are transported
to the industry, where they
are washed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
stored. The
next
sequence of images illustrates other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages, where the pears
are weighed
, peeled, cored into smaller slices and
finally
they
are canned
into several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are sealed
and put over a fire, where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
can
be sterilized
and the pears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
can
be cooked
.
Subsequently
, the jars are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
labelled and
they
are carried
to the storage, from where they
are taken
by trucks and despatched to the stores.

Overall
, the process consists of fourteen stages, beginning with the harvest of fruits and ending up with the despatch to the shops.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS academic The diagram shows how fruit is canned

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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