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The table below given information about students enrolments at Manchester university in 1937 and 1967, 2017. summarize the information selecting main features and relevant and comparisons. v.2

The table below given information about students enrolments at Manchester university in 1937 and 1967, 2017.
The given chart compares the proportion of boys and girls enrolments at Manchester university during the time period 1937, 1967and 2017. Overall, the total percentage of candidates in 2017 year was higher than other period of time. In all the years the students enrolling proportion of most by males and females as well as locals. In the year 2017, the total proportion of students is highest, at 6254 compared with 327 and 1133 for new children in the year 1937 and 1967 respectively. The percentage of females account for 55 of the total students in the. Year 2017 while the percentage were lower for 1937 and 3 decades, at 45% and, at only 35% respectively. However, in terms of local students that largest percentage in 1937, accounting for 55%. The figures for year 2017 and 1967are only 15% and 2% respectively. Moreover, students were enrolling at university from abroad which has largest percentage at 32% in 2017 as compared to 6% in year 1937 and 7% of 1967 respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart compares the proportion of boys and girls
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
at Manchester university during the time period 1937, 1967and 2017.

Overall
, the total
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percentage
of candidates in 2017
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year
was higher than other period of time. In all the years the
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students
enrolling proportion of most by males and females
as well
as locals.

In the
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year
2017, the total proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is highest, at 6254 compared with 327 and 1133 for new children in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1937 and 1967
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respectively
. The
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percentage
of females
Did you mean "accounts"?
account
for 55 of the total
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students
in
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the.
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Year
2017 while the
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percentage
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
lower for 1937 and 3 decades, at 45% and, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
35%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respectively
.
However
, in terms of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 1937, accounting for 55%. The figures for
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year
2017 and 1967are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% and 2%
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respectively
.
Moreover
,
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students
were enrolling at university from abroad which has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the largest".
largest
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percentage
at 32% in 2017 as compared to 6% in
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year
1937 and 7% of 1967
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respectively
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS academic The table below given information about students enrolments at Manchester university in 1937 and 1967, 2017.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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