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The table below describes percentages of homeschooled students in Some Country in 1999-2004. v.3

The table below describes percentages of homeschooled students in Some Country in 1999-2004. v. 3
The presented table gives information about the percentages of students who got home schooling in different academic levels in Some Country from 1999 to 2004. As is seen from the given data, the homeschooling concept became more popular in the later years and highest percentage of homeschooling was done for kindergarten students. According to the given illustration, 2. 4% kindergarten students received home schooling in the year 1999 while this percentage kept on increasing and reached to 2. 9% in 2004. Percentage of homeschooling was higher for the kindergarten students than students in other academic levels. In 1999, 1. 5% home schooled students could be observed in grade 1-2 & grade 5-6 while this percentage was 1. 6% for the remaining two groups (i. e. grade 3-4 & grade 7-8). The percentage of homeschooled students from grade 1-7 showed some fluctuations but these ratios increased over the time. In the year 2004, homeschooled students’ percentage were more than 2% for each category and the highest growth could be observed for the grade 5-6 & grade 7-8 students.
The presented table gives information about the
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percentages
of
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students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
academic levels in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Country from 1999 to 2004. As is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data, the homeschooling concept became more popular in the later years and highest
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percentage
of homeschooling
was done
for kindergarten students.

According to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, 2. 4% kindergarten
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students
received
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
in the year 1999 while this
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percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing and reached to 2. 9% in 2004.
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Percentage
of homeschooling was higher for the kindergarten
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students
than
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students
in other academic levels. In 1999, 1. 5%
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooled
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students
could
be observed
in
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grade
1-2 &
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grade
5-6 while this
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percentage
was 1. 6% for the remaining two groups (
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
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grade
3-4 &
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grade
7-8). The
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percentage
of homeschooled
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students
from
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grade
1-7
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these ratios increased over the time. In the year 2004, homeschooled
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students’
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percentage
were more than 2% for each category and the highest growth could
be observed
for the
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grade
5-6 &
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
7-8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS academic The table below describes percentages of homeschooled students in Some Country in 1999-2004. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
177 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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