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The table below describes percentages of homeschooled students in Some Country in 1999-2004. v.2

The table below describes percentages of homeschooled students in Some Country in 1999-2004. v. 2
The table presents data on the percentages of pupils who got their education at home in a few countries for a span of 5 years, commencing from 1999. As is obvious, the percentages of students who received home education gradually increased except for grade 1 to 4 in 2000. As can be seen from the given information, about 9% students in some countries went through homeschooling in 1999. Among them, the highest percentage (2. 4%) were kindergarten children. All other students who were taught at home from grade 1 to grade 8 were classified in four categories. The ratio of homeschooled children in kindergarten slightly increased in every year and reached to 2. 9% in 2004. The ratio of homeschooled pupils from grade 1 to grade 2 was 1. 5% in 1999 which was exactly the same as it was for grade 5-6 students. Similarly, 1. 6% students, both in grade 3 to 4 and grade 7-8 got homeschooling and this ratio showed an upward trend in 5 years’ time. While almost 1 out of 11 students in 1999 received education at home, this ratio became 1 out of 8 in 2004.
The table presents data on the percentages of pupils who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their education at home in a few countries for a span of 5 years, commencing from 1999. As is obvious, the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who received home education
gradually
increased
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except for
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grade
1 to 4 in 2000.

As can be
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seen
from the
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given
information, about 9%
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students
in
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some
countries went through homeschooling in 1999. Among them, the highest percentage (2. 4%) were kindergarten children. All other
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students
who
were taught
at home from
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grade
1 to
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grade
8
were classified
in four categories. The
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ratio
of homeschooled children in kindergarten
slightly
increased in every year and reached to 2. 9% in 2004. The
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ratio
of homeschooled pupils from
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grade
1 to
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grade
2 was 1. 5% in 1999 which was exactly the same as it was for
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grade
5-6
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students
.
Similarly
, 1. 6%
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students
, both in
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grade
3 to 4 and
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grade
7-8
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
homeschooling and this
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ratio
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showed
an upward trend in 5 years’ time. While almost 1 out of 11
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students
in 1999 received education at home, this
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ratio
became 1 out of 8 in 2004.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The table below describes percentages of homeschooled students in Some Country in 1999-2004. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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