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The proportion of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, 2000 and 2010. v.2

The proportion of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, 2000 and 2010. v. 2
The number of the UK students who master other languages except english between 2000 and 2010 is depicted in the charts, and measured in percent. It can be clearly observed that there were some significant changes in the six different figures from 2000 to 2010. At first glance, the percentage of the UK pupils who could speak spanish only, another language, and two other languages rose gradually by 5% over a period of ten years. Moreover, spanish became the most skilled language by students in England both in 2000 and 2010. On the other hand, during a ten-years period many scholars were interested to do a conversation using new foreign languages that they learned, so english users were less at around 10% in 2010. By contrast, french language experienced a steady went down, accounted for 15% in 2000, and 10% in 2010, while german language just maintained the same level. To conclude, pupils in the UK tend to master many languages to communicate, as a consequence, they spoke less in english in 2010.
The number of the UK students who master other
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languages
except
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english
between 2000 and 2010
is depicted
in the charts, and measured in percent. It can be
clearly
observed that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
figures from 2000 to 2010.

At
first
glance, the percentage of the UK pupils who could speak
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spanish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, another
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language
, and two other
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languages
rose
gradually
by 5% over a period of ten years.
Moreover
,
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spanish
became the most skilled
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language
by students in England both in 2000 and 2010.

On the other hand
, during a ten-years period
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many
scholars
were interested
to do a conversation using new foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that they learned,
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so
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english
users were less at around 10% in 2010. By contrast,
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
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language
experienced a steady went down, accounted for 15% in 2000, and 10% in 2010, while
Possible spelling mistake found.
german
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language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
maintained the same level.

To conclude
, pupils in the UK tend to master
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many
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languages
to communicate, as a consequence, they spoke less in
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
in 2010.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS academic The proportion of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, 2000 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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