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The line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries between 1990 and 1999. v.1

The line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries between 1990 and 1999. v. 1
The line graph presents data on vehicle theft cases in Great Britain, Sweden, France and Canada from 1990 to 1999. As is obvious, car thefts in Great Britain were higher than that of other countries while this rate noticeably increased in Sweden. According to the diagram, roughly 17 transportations in every thousand were stolen in the Great Britain in 1990 while this rate was between 6 to 8 per thousand in France, Canada and Sweden. Automobile embezzlement in Great Britain steadily climbed till 1993 at which point 2% cars were reported abducted. With some minor fluctuations, car lifting rates in France and Canada remained almost constant throughout the years. In contrast, carrier stealing rate in Sweden kept on soaring and in 1995 this proportion reached as high as 10 in every thousand vehicles. Motor vehicle theft in Great Britain sharply declined in 1994 but grew again till 1997 to strike 2% again. Afterwards, car theft incidents in Great Britain firmly declined between 1997 and 1999 when it actually increased in Sweden. Finally, in 1999, almost 1. 5% automobiles in Great Britain and Sweden were reported stolen while it was almost one-third of that in France and Canada.
The line graph presents data on vehicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
cases in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain, Sweden, France and Canada from 1990 to 1999. As is obvious,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thefts
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain were higher than that of other countries while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
noticeably
increased in Sweden.

According to the diagram, roughly 17 transportations in every thousand
were stolen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain in 1990 while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 6 and 8".
between 6 to 8
per thousand in France, Canada and Sweden. Automobile embezzlement in
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Great
Britain
steadily
climbed till 1993 at which point 2%
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cars
were reported
abducted. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor fluctuations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
lifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in France and Canada remained almost constant throughout the years.
In contrast
, carrier stealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in Sweden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on soaring and in 1995 this proportion reached as high as 10 in every thousand vehicles. Motor vehicle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
in
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Great
Britain
sharply
declined in 1994
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
grew again till 1997 to strike 2% again. Afterwards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
incidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain
firmly
declined between 1997 and 1999 when it actually increased in Sweden.
Finally
, in 1999, almost 1. 5% automobiles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain and Sweden
were reported
stolen while it was almost one-third of that in France and Canada.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries between 1990 and 1999. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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