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The pie graphs below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. pie comparison v.2

The pie graphs below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. pie comparison v. 2
The pie graphs compare the changes of five different energy productions between 1995 and 2005. Initially, the majority of energy productions in France were gas and coal, which took more than half of production of energy. While the rest of energy sources generated the least amount of energy in France and which producing proportion increased relatively except for Petro, which showed the declined in its production. About similar rates of energy were produced by Gas and Coal in both years, with the slight amount of coal was produced. Energy produced by coal comprised of 29. 80% in 1995 and this increased a slightly by about just 1% to 30. 93% in 2005. Similarly, 29. 63% of gas was generated in 1995 and which rose to 30. 31% by 2005. With the remaining energy sources, there was an approximately grow of 5% in nuclear and other from 6. 40% and 4. 90%, respectively in 1995, to reach at 10. 10% and 9. 10% in 2005. In contrast to this, the petrol was the only energy sources that decreased in its production from 29. 27% in 1995 to 19. 55% in 2005.
The pie graphs compare the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of five
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different
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energy
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productions
between 1995 and 2005.

Initially
, the majority of
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energy
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productions
in France
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were
gas and coal, which took more than half of
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production
of
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energy
. While the rest of
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energy
sources generated the least amount of
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energy
in France and which producing proportion increased
relatively
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except for
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Petro
, which
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showed
the declined in its production.

About similar rates of
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energy
were produced
by Gas and Coal in both years, with the slight amount of coal
was produced
.
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Energy
produced by coal comprised of 29. 80% in 1995 and this increased a
slightly
by about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1% to 30. 93% in 2005.
Similarly
, 29. 63% of gas
was generated
in 1995 and which rose to 30. 31% by 2005.

With the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
sources, there was an approximately grow of 5% in nuclear and other from 6. 40% and 4. 90%,
respectively
in 1995, to reach at 10. 10% and 9. 10% in 2005.
In contrast
to this, the petrol was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
sources that decreased in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
from 29. 27% in 1995 to 19. 55% in 2005.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie graphs below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. pie comparison v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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