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The graphs below provide information about the sales in England of three different kinds of music. The graphs together cover five decades and the sales are measured in pounds sterling. v.2

The graphs below provide information about the sales in England of three different kinds of music. The graphs together cover five decades and the sales are measured in pounds sterling. v. 2
The bar graph represnt the sales of three different types of music in England, and the line graph give information about music in year 1960' s to 1990' s. In begin year 2000 sale of pop music was arround 4. 3 billions pounds after it was increased almost 5 billions pounds, But rapidly decrease in year 2002 in between three to Four billions pounds and ti was go little up approximate 4 billion pounds in 2003' s. After that, in 1960' s the pop music was started sold and it was sold in 1960' s to 1990' s in huge ammount. pop music was sold approximate Five billions pound. but the Rock music was sales in England 1960' s to 1980' s but after this it was started decreased in 1990 and classical music was rapidly go down till the 1960' s its sales was down from four billions to near about one millions of pounds. It concluded, the sale of pop music from 2000 to 2003 was good but the 1960' s to 1960' this year was not good for classical or rock music.
The bar graph
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represnt
the
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sales
of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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music
in England, and the line graph give information about
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music
in
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year
1960' s to 1990' s.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
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year
2000
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sale
of pop
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music
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
arround
4. 3
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billions
pounds after it
was increased
almost 5
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billions
pounds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
rapidly
decrease in
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year
2002 in
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between three and Four".
between three to Four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
pounds and ti was
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
up approximate 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
pounds in 2003' s.

After that, in 1960' s the pop
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music
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
sold and it
was sold
in 1960' s to 1990' s in huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
ammount
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
pop
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music
was sold
approximate Five
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billions
pound.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
the Rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in England 1960' s to 1980' s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after this it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
decreased in 1990 and classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was
rapidly
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
go
down till the 1960' s its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
was down from four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
to near about
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "one million".
one millions of
pounds.

It concluded
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from 2000 to 2003 was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the 1960' s to 1960' this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for classical or rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The graphs below provide information about the sales in England of three different kinds of music. The graphs together cover five decades and the sales are measured in pounds sterling. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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