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The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.
The pie charts illustrate the primary reasons that people came to and left the UK in 2007. At first glance it is clear that the main factor influencing this decision was employment. Having a definite job accounted for 30 per cent of immigration to the UK, and this figure was very similar for emigration, at 29%. A large number of people, 22%, also emigrated because they were looking for a job, though the proportion of people entering the UK for this purpose was noticeably lower at less than a fifth. Another major factor influencing a move to the UK was for formal study, with over a quarter of people immigrating for this reason. However, interestingly, only a small minority, 4%, left for this. The proportions of those moving to join a family member were quite similar for immigration and emigration, at 15% and 13% respectively. Although a significant number of people (32%) gave ‘other’ reasons or did not give a reason why they emigrated, this accounted for only 17% with regards to immigration.
The pie charts illustrate the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came to and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the UK in 2007. At
first
glance it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the main factor influencing this decision was employment.

Having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
job accounted for 30 per cent of immigration to the UK, and this figure was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar for emigration, at 29%.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, 22%,
also
emigrated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were looking for a job, though the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering the UK for this purpose was
noticeably
lower at less than a fifth.

Another major factor influencing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the UK was for formal study, with over a quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrating for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
.
However
,
interestingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority, 4%,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for this.

The proportions of those moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a family member were quite similar for immigration and emigration, at 15% and 13%
respectively
. Although a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(32%) gave ‘other’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
or did not give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why they emigrated, this accounted for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
17%
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
immigration.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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