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The pie charts below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The pie charts below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The bar graph illustrates the percentage breakdown of residents in Australia frequently participating in physical exercise grouped by age and gender in 2010. Overall, more males than females engaged in such activities regularly when they were 15-24 years old and this trend reversed after people were older than 24. First of all, in 2010, over than half of male residents between 15 and 24 years old doing regular athletic activity in Australia. This rate witnessed a steady decrease to the bottom of 39. 5% in the following two age groups before bouncing back to 43. 1% in 45 to 54 age group. Thereafter, it experienced a moderate increase and ended up at 46. 7% when men were 65 plus. As for females, the initial proportion started at 47. 7%, which were slightly less than that in the male group. However, this ratio exceeded its counterpart in men at 48. 9% in 25 to 34 age group, and a gradual growth could be viewed in the next two groups. After peaking at 53. 3%, the percentage of females who were frequently involved in athletic exercises slowly dropped to 47. 1% in 65 plus group, which almost equal to the figure in the male group of the same age.
The bar graph illustrates the percentage breakdown of residents in Australia
frequently
participating in physical exercise grouped by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and gender in 2010.
Overall
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
than females engaged in such activities
regularly
when they were 15-24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and this trend reversed after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were older than 24.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in 2010,
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than half of male residents between 15 and 24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
doing regular athletic activity in Australia. This rate witnessed a steady decrease to the bottom of 39. 5% in the following two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
bouncing back to 43. 1% in 45 to 54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. Thereafter, it experienced a moderate increase and ended up at 46. 7% when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were 65 plus.

As for females, the initial proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 47. 7%, which were
slightly
less than that in the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
However
, this ratio exceeded its counterpart in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
at 48. 9% in 25 to 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, and a gradual growth could
be viewed
in the
next
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. After peaking at 53. 3%, the percentage of females who were
frequently
involved in athletic exercises
slowly
dropped to 47. 1% in 65 plus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, which almost equal to the figure in the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The pie charts below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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