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the given table shows that children had taken part in different cultures activities in the last 12 months. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparison where relevant. v.2

the given table shows that children had taken part in different cultures activities in the last 12 months.
The give table depict the information of participation of children in different curricular activities in different ages. The data is calibrated in percentage. The most striking feature to be observed is that majority of children and other age groups were interested in any performance. It can be vividly seen that from 16 to 24 ages, any performance led with highest 35 percent whereas visual arts and writing acitivies occupied second and third position with 30, 17 percent respectively. From 25 to 44 ages, more people participated in visual and any performance. The participation in Computer based activity were less in every age. Turning to rest of description between 45 to 74 ages, undertaking any crafts had largest 22 percent followed by cultural purchase and any performance activities with 22, 17 percent orderly. As far as comparison is concerned, the juvenile participation in writing was doubled compare to other age groups. Children depict less interest in culture purchase and any craft compare to other age groups.
The give table depict the information of participation of children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
curricular activities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. The data
is calibrated
in percentage.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
most striking feature to
be observed
is that majority of children and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups
were interested
in any performance.

It can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that from 16 to 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, any performance led with highest 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
whereas visual arts and writing
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivies
occupied second and third position with 30, 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
. From 25 to 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
participated in visual and any performance. The participation in Computer based activity were less in every age.

Turning to rest of description
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 45 and 74".
between 45 to 74
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, undertaking any crafts had largest 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
followed by cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and any performance activities with 22, 17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
orderly. As far as comparison
is concerned
, the juvenile participation in writing
was doubled
compare to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups. Children depict less interest in culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and any craft compare to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic the given table shows that children had taken part in different cultures activities in the last 12 months.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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