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The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. v.2

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. v. 2
The pie charts exhibit four types of food consumptions of the world with that of China and India in 2008. Overall, processed food items were consumed at the highest percentage than other food items and Chinese citizens were the highest consumer of nuts and seeds while Indians primarily relied on processed food and animal food. According to the pie charts, people of the world, as well as the China and India, ate processed food more than any other food item. People ate almost 41% processed food in the world in 2008. This percentage was higher in India than China. On an average, 29% vegetable and fruits were absorbed by the world population while this percentage was 32% in China and 23% in India. Foods from animals were the third largest consumed item and Indian ate more than the world average. Nuts and seeds consumed in India and China were much higher than the world average. It is worth noticing that Indian ate more animal foods than Chinese did while Chinese devoured more vegetables, fruits and seeds than Indians. On an average, Indian population consumed more animal foods and seeds items than the world population while Chinese people ate more vegetable and seeds than the rest of the world.
The pie charts exhibit four types of
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food
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consumptions
of the
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world
with that of China and India in 2008.
Overall
,
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processed
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food
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items
were
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consumed
at the highest percentage than other
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food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and Chinese citizens were the highest consumer of nuts and
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seeds
while Indians
primarily
relied on
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processed
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food
and
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animal
food.

According to the pie charts,
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people
of the
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world
,
as well
as the China and India,
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ate
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processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more than any other
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food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
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ate
almost 41%
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processed
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food
in the
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world
in 2008. This percentage was higher in India than China. On an average, 29% vegetable and fruits
were absorbed
by the
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world
population while this percentage was 32% in China and 23% in India.
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Foods
from
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animals
were the third largest
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consumed
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item
and Indian
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ate
more than the
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world
average. Nuts and
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seeds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
in India and China were much higher than the
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world
average.

It is worth noticing that Indian
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ate
more
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animal
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foods
than Chinese did while Chinese devoured more vegetables, fruits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
than Indians. On an average, Indian population
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consumed
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
than the
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world
population while Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
more vegetable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
than the rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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