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The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v.1

The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v. 1
The diagrams present information on six railways in six European cities. Overall, Paris has the oldest and largest rail system while Lisbon serves the highest number of train commuters. According to the illustration, Paris railway was established in 1863 and it now has around 400 km routes. Stockholm, the second oldest and second largest train system, was built in 1900 and expands it route to around 200 km. Lisbon and Rome train systems were inaugurated in 1927 and 1976 respectively. They have rail tracks of 155 and 126 km consecutively. Madrid has the smallest rail tracks, only 11 km, and they came into existence in 1981. Berlin train system was introduced as recently as 2001 and it has 28 km route in total. Lisbon train station serves the largest number of commuters per year - almost 200 million. Nearly half of these train passengers travel in Stockholm while Paris, despite having the oldest and largest train system, facilitates only 775 million people per year. Rome with its 144 million yearly passengers serves almost three times higher travellers than that of Madrid and Berlin train authorities.
The diagrams present information on six railways in six European cities.
Overall
, Paris has the oldest and largest rail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
while Lisbon serves the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
commuters.

According to the illustration, Paris railway
was established
in 1863 and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has around 400 km routes. Stockholm, the second oldest and second largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
,
was built
in 1900 and expands it route to around 200 km. Lisbon and Rome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
were inaugurated
in 1927 and 1976
respectively
. They have rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
of 155 and 126 km
consecutively
. Madrid has the smallest rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11 km, and they came into existence in 1981. Berlin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
was introduced
as recently as 2001 and it has 28 km route in total.

Lisbon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
station serves the largest number of commuters per year
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
almost 200 million.
Nearly
half of these
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train
passengers travel in Stockholm while Paris, despite having the oldest and largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, facilitates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
775 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
per year. Rome with its 144 million yearly passengers serves almost three times higher
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
than that of Madrid and Berlin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
authorities.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
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IELTS academic The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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