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The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. v.1

The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. v. 1
The pie charts illustrate the changes in household spending in the UK between 1971 and 2001. It is clear that the cost of petrol made up the largest proportion of the household spending in 1971 while expenditure on cars was the greatest share of the household spending in 2001. British spent more than one-third of their money on petrol and almost a third to purchase furniture followed by money spent in restaurants, which was precisely a quarter. The least proportion of expenditure was for computers, which accounted for 7% of total expenses by Brits in 1971. After 30 years, British citizens spent significantly less portion to buy petrol, furniture and restaurant meals - 8%, 8%, 14% respectively. In comparison to 1971, they spent nearly double on computers. The largest proportion of household spending was made on owing cars with more than 40% total expenses. The proportion of expenditure on food was 14%. Finally, for books, it was considerably small, only one percent of total costs in 2001.
The pie charts illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
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household
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spending
in the UK between 1971 and 2001. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the cost of petrol made up the largest
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proportion
of the
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household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in 1971 while expenditure on cars was the greatest share of the
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household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in 2001.

British
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spent
more than one-third of their money on petrol and almost a third to
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purchase
furniture followed by money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
in restaurants, which was
precisely
a quarter. The least
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proportion
of expenditure was for computers, which accounted for 7% of total expenses by Brits in 1971.

After 30 years, British citizens
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spent
significantly
less portion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
petrol, furniture and restaurant meals
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
8%, 8%, 14%
respectively
.
In comparison
to 1971, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
nearly
double on computers. The largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
was made
on owing cars with more than 40% total expenses. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of expenditure on food was 14%.
Finally
, for books, it was
considerably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one percent of total costs in 2001.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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