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The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. v.1

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. v. 1
The pie charts outline the types of food people ate in 2008 compared with the consumption of these items in China and India in the same year. As a general trend, processed food was the main energy source for the world population and consumption of nuts and seeds in China and India was significantly higher than the world average. As the illustration suggests, just over 40% diet of the global population came from processed food in 2008 which was slightly greater than that of India and exactly 7% higher than that of China. Vegetables and fruits provided somewhat one-third dietary requirements of the Chinese citizens and precisely 23% of Indians. The world average for fruit and vegetable consumption was just below 30%. Interestingly, nuts and seeds accounted for almost one-fifth food stocks for the Chinese, a noticeably higher rate than the world standard. Nearly one-tenth food rations in India was from nuts and seeds. Food derived from animals supplied more than one-fourth Indian dietary provisions, which was 12% higher than that of China and almost the same of the world’s dietary demands.
The pie charts outline the types of
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food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ate in 2008 compared with the consumption of these items in China and India in the same year. As a general trend, processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
was the main energy source for the
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world
population and consumption of nuts and seeds in China and India was
significantly
higher than the
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world
average.

As the illustration suggests,
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just
over 40% diet of the global population came from processed
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food
in 2008 which was
slightly
greater than that of India and exactly 7% higher than that of China. Vegetables and fruits provided somewhat one-third dietary requirements of the Chinese citizens and
precisely
23% of Indians. The
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world
average for fruit and vegetable consumption was
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just
below 30%.

Interestingly
, nuts and seeds accounted for almost one-fifth
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food
stocks for the Chinese, a
noticeably
higher rate than the
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world
standard.
Nearly
one-tenth
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food
rations in India was from nuts and seeds.
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Food
derived from animals supplied more than one-fourth Indian dietary provisions, which was 12% higher than that of China and almost the same of the
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world’s
dietary demands.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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