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The pie charts beloww show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. v.2

The pie charts beloww show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. v. 2
The pie charts compare the production of electricity in units by five categorized fuel sources in Australia and France in two years 1980 and 2000. Overall, it is clear that the number of units rose in both contries through the period. In Australia coal was the most productive source, whereas France implemented nuclear power to make electricity. In terms of details, in 1980, the half of all electricity(100 units) in Australia was produced from coal, and it even increased over the next 20 years, making up 130 units of 170 units altogether. Also, nuclear power' s production escalated by 16 units from 20 to 36 in Australia. However, there as a collapse in the figures of oil and hydro power sources, from initial of 10 and 20 units respectively to the lowest 2 units for both in 2000. According to the proportion of France, overall number of manufactured units doubled from 1980 to 2000. The coal remained the same over the period at a quarter units, while oil produced five more units, at 20 and 25 units, accordingly. Natural gas tumbled its productions of electricity from 5 to 2 units, and hydro power had a dip, plunging from 15 to the equal figures with natural gas at 2 units eventually. There was an enormous rise in the number of units of electricity made by nuclear power from 15 to over 125 units in 2000.
The pie charts compare the production of
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electricity
in
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units
by five categorized fuel sources in Australia and France in two years 1980 and 2000.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of
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units
rose in both
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contries
through the period. In Australia coal was the most productive source, whereas France implemented nuclear
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power
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
electricity.

In terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in 1980, the half of all
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electricity(100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units)
in Australia
was produced
from coal, and it even increased over the
next
20 years, making up 130
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units
of 170
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units
altogether.
Also
, nuclear
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power&
#039; s production escalated by 16
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units
from 20 to 36 in Australia.
However
, there as a collapse in the figures of oil and hydro
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power
sources, from initial of 10 and 20
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units
respectively
to the lowest 2
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units
for both in 2000.

According to the proportion of France,
overall
number of manufactured
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units
doubled from 1980 to 2000. The coal remained the same over the period at a quarter
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units
, while oil produced five more
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units
, at 20 and 25
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units
,
accordingly
. Natural gas tumbled its productions of
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electricity
from 5 to 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
, and hydro
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power
had a dip, plunging from 15 to the equal figures with natural gas at 2
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units
eventually
. There was an enormous rise in the number of
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units
of
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electricity
made by nuclear
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power
from 15 to over 125
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in 2000.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie charts beloww show units of electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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