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The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v.4

The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v. 4
The pie charts compare Japan and Malaysia in terms of average domestic spendings on five different categories, namely housing, transport, food, healthcare and other goods and services. Overall, spending on other goods and services accounted for the largest proportion of expenses in Japan, while the figure for Malaysia is on housing. In addition, people in both countries spent the smallest percentages of expenses on healthcare. 21% of expenditure in Japan was for housing, while the proportion of expense for this field was significantly higher, at 34%, which accounted for the largest part. In terms of food, Japanese spent 24% of their income on it, which was 3% lower than the figure for Malaysian. The percentages of spending on other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia were 29% and 26% respectively. People in Malaysia spent 10% of their total income on transport. Japanese’s expenditure on this category was doubled that of Malaysian, which took up 20% out of 100%. The proportion of Malaysian’s spending on healthcare was 3%, while 6% was how much people in Japan spent on this field.
The pie charts compare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia in terms of average domestic
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings on
five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories,
namely
housing, transport, food, healthcare and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services accounted for the largest proportion of expenses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, while the figure for Malaysia is on housing.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in both countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the smallest percentages of expenses on healthcare.

21% of expenditure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was for housing, while the proportion of expense for this field was
significantly
higher, at 34%, which accounted for the largest part. In terms of food, Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
24% of their income on it, which was 3% lower than the figure for Malaysian. The percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia were 29% and 26%
respectively
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in Malaysia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
10% of their total income on transport. Japanese’s expenditure on this category
was doubled
that of Malaysian, which took up 20% out of 100%. The proportion of Malaysian’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on healthcare was 3%, while 6% was how much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on this field.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS academic The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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