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The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. v.3

The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. v. 3
The pie charts illustrate the total production of electricity measured in units and divided by different sources of fuel in Australia and France in the year 1980 and 2000. Overall, it is clearly shown that major fuel sources used in electricity production were different in Australia and France. First of all, there were considerably more units of electricity produced in Australia in 2000 (170 units) than 1980 (100 units). The majority of electricity produced in Australia for both years was from the coal but there was a higher dependency of coal in the production of electricity in 2000 than 1980 (130 out of 170 and 50% respectively). There was an increase of 16 units of electricity produced by hydropower from 1989 to 2008 whereas the other sources like natural gas and oil contributed less to the electricity production in 2000 than in 1980. Turning to the fuel sources in France, it is apparent that electricity production doubled in 2000 than in 1980, which was 180 for the former and 90 for the latter. The most striking feature is that there was only 15 out of 90 units of electricity produced by nuclear power in 1980. However, it became the main fuel source of electricity production in France in 2000, which was 70%. Not forgetting to mention that the use of other fuel sources in the electricity production became less in 2000 than in 1980.
The pie charts illustrate the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
measured in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
and divided by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
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fuel
in Australia and France in the year 1980 and 2000.

Overall
, it is
clearly
shown that major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in Australia and France.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there were
considerably
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
in Australia in 2000 (170
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units)
than 1980 (100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units)
. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
in Australia for both years was from the coal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a higher dependency of coal in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in 2000 than 1980 (130 out of 170 and 50%
respectively
). There was an increase of 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
by hydropower from 1989 to 2008 whereas the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
like natural gas and oil contributed less to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
in 2000 than in 1980.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in France, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
doubled in 2000 than in 1980, which was 180 for the former and 90 for the latter. The most striking feature is that there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15 out of 90
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produced
by nuclear power in 1980.
However
, it became the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
in France in 2000, which was 70%. Not forgetting to mention that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
became less in 2000 than in 1980.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Frank Smith

IELTS academic The pie charts below show units of electricity production by fuel source Australia and France in 1980 and 2000. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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