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The pie charts below shows the average household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia in the year of 2010 v.2

The pie charts below shows the average household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia in the year of 2010 v. 2
The pie charts describe the information about the percentage of money spent on various household expenses in Malaysia and Japan in 2010. As an overview, the highest amount of money spent on housing in Malaysia Whereas in the Japan it was on other good and services. It is clear from the chart that, Malaysia the greatest proportion of expenditure was on housing as 34%. While, in Japan housing accounted for just 21%. However, the huge percentage of money spent on other goods and services at 29% compared with 26% in Malaysia. Further, food came in second place in Japan with 24% which further increased by 3% in the case of Malaysia. Moving towards the other household expenses, the greatest amount of money splurged on transport at 20% but this was much lower in Malaysia as 10%. At last, 3% of the total money spent on health care in the Malaysia and it got doubled in the case of Japan. To sum up, the data indicates that in both cases food, housing and other goods and services were the main expenses while, in Japan transport and other goods and services took up a higher amount of money than in Malaysia.
The pie charts
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describe
the information about the percentage of
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money
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spent
on various household expenses in Malaysia and
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Japan
in 2010. As an overview, the highest amount of
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money
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spent
on housing in Malaysia Whereas in the
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Japan
it was on
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other
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good
and services.

It is
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clear
from the chart that, Malaysia the greatest proportion of expenditure was on housing as 34%. While, in
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Japan
housing accounted for
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just
21%.
However
, the huge percentage of
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money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
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other
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goods
and services at 29% compared with 26% in Malaysia.
Further
, food came in second place in
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Japan
with 24% which
further
increased by 3% in the case of Malaysia.

Moving towards the
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other
household expenses, the greatest amount of
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money
splurged on transport at 20%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this was much lower in Malaysia as 10%. At last, 3% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on health care in the Malaysia and it
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got
doubled in the case of Japan.

To sum up, the data indicates that in both cases food, housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and services were the main expenses while, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
transport and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and services took up a higher amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than in Malaysia.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie charts below shows the average household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia in the year of 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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