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the pie charts below give information about household expenditure of an average US family in different years v.2

the pie charts below give information about household expenditure of an average US family in different years v. 2
The two given pie charts illustrate the data of average household expense in an US family in 1970 and 2004. As can be seen from the former graph, in 1970, the percentage of family expenditure in mortgage cam top of the list at 26% while the one in childcare was on the other end of the scale. food and clothing, with the propotion was about 2% lower, held the second position, compared with the figure for trasnport and entertainment which only accounted 13% each in the household outlay. Until 2004, there were several trends witnessed in the average domestic outflow. childcare and mortgage observed a significant increase by 9% and 24% respectively. An opposite tendency was evident in the data of the rest factors. A sharp decrease of a half was seen in the propotion of food spending (12%) and clothing (10%), compared with a 8% drop in transport. The percentage of household cost in entertainment satyed unchanged during the same period of time.
The two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the data of average household expense in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
US family in 1970 and 2004.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the former graph, in 1970, the percentage of family expenditure in mortgage cam top of the list at 26% while the one in childcare was on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the scale.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
food
and clothing, with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
propotion
was about 2% lower, held the second position, compared with the figure for
Possible spelling mistake found.
trasnport
and entertainment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accounted 13% each in the household outlay.

Until 2004, there were several trends witnessed in the average domestic outflow.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
childcare
and mortgage observed a significant increase by 9% and 24%
respectively
. An opposite tendency was evident in the data of the rest factors. A sharp decrease of a half was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
propotion
of food spending (12%) and clothing (10%), compared with
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
8% drop in transport. The percentage of household cost in entertainment
Possible spelling mistake found.
satyed
unchanged during the same period of time.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS academic the pie charts below give information about household expenditure of an average US family in different years v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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