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The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. v.2

The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. v. 2
The pie charts depict the proportions of money spent on households in Japan compared to Malaysia in 2010 based on five categories namely- housing, transportation, food, healthcare and other goods and services. As illustrated, most of the expenditures in Japan was made on goods and other services, comprising 29% of the total expenditures compared to Malaysia, which only spends 26%. Food came as second priority for both countries with 24% and 27% of total household costs respectively. Housing in Japan is placed as the third priority with an average of 21% expenditure in comparison to Malaysia, which places their housing as their major expenditure. Furthermore, money spent for transportation fall as the fourth priority with an average of 20% in Japan and 10% in Malaysia. Lastly, healthcare was observed to be the least priority for both countries comprising 6% and 3% of the total expenditures. Overall, pie charts indicate that the main expenses in both countries were on goods and services, food and housing, while transportation and healthcare were given least prioritised.
The pie charts depict the proportions of money spent on households in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
compared to Malaysia in 2010 based on five categories
namely
- housing, transportation, food, healthcare and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.

As illustrated, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was made
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and other services, comprising 29% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
compared to Malaysia, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spends 26%. Food came as second
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priority
for both countries with 24% and 27% of total household costs
respectively
. Housing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
is placed
as the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
with an average of 21%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in comparison
to Malaysia, which places their housing as their major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
.
Furthermore
, money spent for transportation fall as the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
with an average of 20% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and 10% in Malaysia.
Lastly
, healthcare
was observed
to be the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
priority
for both countries comprising 6% and 3% of the total expenditures.

Overall
, pie charts indicate that the main expenses in both countries were on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services, food and housing, while transportation and healthcare were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
least
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The pie charts below describe average household expenditures by major categories in Japan and Malaysia in 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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