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The pie charts below show the proportion of energy produced by different sources in one country in 1985 and 2003. v.2

The pie charts below show the proportion of energy produced by different sources in one country in 1985 and 2003. v. 2
The illustrated pie graphs compare the percentage of energy generated in terms of 5 different non-renewable resources in the years of 1985 and 2003. Overall, it can clearly be seen that the percentage of oil usages in both years were the highest proportion compared to others. Hydroelectric power was the only energy that had its percentage stayed the same, while others experienced dramatic changes. In 1995, the percentage of energy that was generated from oil occupied 52% of country total energy production, which quadrupled the figure for natural gas of 13%. The disparity of percentage of coal and nuclear was very high in the first year, with 8% and 22% respectively. The lowest figure in the first examined year was hydroelectric power, where only 4% of total energy was generated. 8 years after 1995, the figure for oil declined dramatically, from 52% to only 39% respectively. Similarly, there was a slight decrease for that of nuclear power to 17%. On the contrary, natural gas and coal were more commonly use, where the percentage of gas rose to 23% and that of coal increased to 13%, with 10% and 5% different from previous examined year respectively.
The illustrated pie graphs compare the
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percentage
of
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energy
generated in terms of 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
non-renewable resources in the years of 1985 and 2003.

Overall
, it can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of oil usages in both years were the highest proportion compared to others. Hydroelectric power was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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energy
that had its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
stayed the same, while others experienced dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

In 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
that
was generated
from oil occupied 52% of country total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
production, which quadrupled the figure for natural gas of 13%. The disparity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of coal and nuclear was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in the
first
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year
, with 8% and 22%
respectively
. The lowest figure in the
first
examined
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year
was hydroelectric power, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
was generated
.

8 years after 1995, the figure for oil declined
dramatically
, from 52% to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
39%
respectively
.
Similarly
, there was a slight decrease for that of nuclear power to 17%.
On the contrary
, natural gas and coal were more
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of gas rose to 23% and that of coal increased to 13%, with 10% and 5%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from previous examined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
respectively
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie charts below show the proportion of energy produced by different sources in one country in 1985 and 2003. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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