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The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008 v.2

The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008 v. 2
The pie graphs illustrate the percentage of expenditures on different purpose in a European country in two separate years 1958 and 2008. Overall, it can clearly be seen that many major changes occurred after 50 years, one of which was food, where its sale in 1958 was the highest compared to the others, but the figure dropped dramatically in 2008. In the year of 1958, European spent 32% on food. However, this number decreased significantly to only 12%, making food one of the lowest figures in 2008. Similar to food, money spent on entertainment also fell after 50 years, from 13% to 6% respectively. Clothing was also the category with its proportion declined for 2%. In contrast, the proportion of money used on residence and luxury goods rose the same percentage, which was 10%. The expenditure on travel and transport also grew more than twice the percentage in 1958, from 8% to 17% respectively.
The pie graphs illustrate the percentage of expenditures on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purpose in a European country in two separate years 1958 and 2008.

Overall
, it can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
occurred after 50 years, one of which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, where its sale in 1958 was the highest compared to the others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the figure dropped
dramatically
in 2008.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1958, European spent 32% on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
However
, this number decreased
significantly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
12%, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
one of the lowest figures in 2008. Similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, money spent on entertainment
also
fell after 50 years, from 13% to 6%
respectively
. Clothing was
also
the category with its proportion declined for 2%.

In contrast
, the proportion of money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on residence and luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
rose the same percentage, which was 10%. The expenditure on travel and transport
also
grew more than twice the percentage in 1958, from 8% to 17%
respectively
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The charts below show the proportion of people’s total spending in a particular European country was spent on different commodities and services in 1958 and in 2008 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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