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The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014. v.2

The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014. v. 2
The bar graph reveals data on Scotland’s export revenue to the United Kingdom as well as rest of the world in 2014. Overall, the highest export earning for Scotland came from ‘business service including hotels’ and ‘chemical & mineral products’ while the UK was the largest market for Electrical and instrument engineering goods manufactured by Scotland. According to the bar graph, Scotland’s total export revenue in 2014 was roughly 75 billion pound and approximately 21 billion of this revenue came from the UK. Food & drink, chemical & mineral, electrical instruments and business service brought 4. 4, 5, 4 and 1. 7 billion export revenue respectively from the UK. Those industries generated 5. 8, 9. 5, 2. 3 and 13. 8 billion pounds earning consequentially for Scotland in 2014 from the global export except the UK. Scotland generated the highest export figure from business service with over 15 billion pounds while the second highest came from chemical and mineral industry. Export amount from the UK in engineering industry (4 billion) exceeded the global export earning while Scotland earned the least revenue from the ‘agriculture, forestry, fishing and mining’ industries. The UK was its largest market for food, chemical and engineering products.
The bar graph reveals data on Scotland’s
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export
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revenue
to the United Kingdom
as well
as rest of the world in 2014.
Overall
, the highest
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export
earning for Scotland came from ‘business service including hotels’ and
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‘chemical
& mineral products’ while the UK was the largest market for Electrical and instrument engineering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
manufactured by Scotland.

According to the bar graph, Scotland’s total
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export
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revenue
in 2014 was roughly 75
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
and approximately 21
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billion
of this
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revenue
came from the UK. Food & drink,
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chemical
& mineral, electrical instruments and business service brought 4. 4, 5, 4 and 1. 7
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billion
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export
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revenue
respectively
from the UK. Those
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industries
generated 5. 8, 9. 5, 2. 3 and 13. 8
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billion
pounds earning
consequentially
for Scotland in 2014 from the global
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export
except the UK. Scotland generated the highest
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export
figure from business service with over 15
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billion
pounds while the second highest came from
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chemical
and mineral
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industry
.
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Export
amount from the UK in engineering
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industry
(4
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billion)
exceeded the global
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export
earning while Scotland earned the least
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revenue
from the ‘agriculture, forestry, fishing and mining’
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industries
. The UK was its largest market for food,
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chemical
and engineering products.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows Scotland’s exports to the rest of the UK and the rest of the world for the year 2014. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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