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The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales(in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 to 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales(in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 to 2011.
The charts illustrates the yearly rental rates and sales of films in different formats from a particular store between 2002 to 2011. There was a decreasing trend for film rentals as well for the VHS sales. The highest rental rate was in 2002 with approximately 185, 000 and the lowest was roughly 55, 000 in 2011. For VHS sales as the year goes by the rate is slowly decreasing and in 2006, there was no sales recorded and on the following year 2007 Blu-ray started to sell with the lowest of estimated 1, 000 sales thus making VHS totally non-selling up to 2011. In addition, Blu-ray had a gradual increasing trend from 2007 to 2011. A noticeable unsteady trend for DVD sales. In 2002 a recorded of 46, 000 sales which then showed a dramatic increase up to 2007 making it the highest rate with around 205, 000 sales right after that year it then showed a slow downward trend up to 2011 with 180, 000 sales. In conclusion, when Blu-ray was introduced and started to sell that was the time VHS films became unpopular and became non-existent.
The charts
You should probably use "illustrate".
illustrates
the yearly rental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of films in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
formats from a particular store
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2002 and 2011".
between 2002 to 2011
.

There was a decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
for film rentals
as well
for the VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. The highest rental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was in 2002 with approximately 185, 000 and the lowest was roughly 55, 000 in 2011. For VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
as the year goes by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is
slowly
decreasing and in 2006, there was no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
recorded and on the following year 2007 Blu-ray
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to sell with the lowest of estimated 1, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
thus
making VHS
totally
non-selling up to 2011.
In addition
, Blu-ray had a gradual increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
from 2007 to 2011.

A noticeable unsteady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
for DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. In 2002
The phrase 'a recorded of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a recorded of
46, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
which then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a dramatic increase up to 2007 making it the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
with around 205, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
right after that year it then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a slow downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
up to 2011 with 180, 000 sales.

In conclusion
, when Blu-ray
was introduced
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to sell that was the time VHS films became unpopular and became non-existent.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales(in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 to 2011.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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