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The bar chart shows active participation rates in top ten sports in Canada in 1998 and 2005Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The bar chart shows active participation rates in top ten sports in Canada in 1998 and 2005
The given bar gives information about the percentages of Canadians participating in different ten sports which are popular most from 1998 to 2005. It is clear that almost active participation rates decreased slightly over the period shown, except for soccer. Moreover, Ice hocky and Golf were sports attracting the highest Canadians. In 1998, Golf was the number-one sport in Canada, with around 22%, just ahead of Ice hocky, with around 18%. However, throughout 7 years, the proportion of players in these sports declined slowly by about 1%, while that of soccer increased to nearly 10% in Canada. As can be seen from the chart, on the other hand, Canada witnessed a rapid fall from nearly 17% to 7% in the figure for active participation in Baseball during the period of 7 years. In addition, remain sports such as Tennis, Cycling, Downhill/Alpine skiing, Volleyball, Basketball, and Swimming had a drop about 1% to 2% in the proportion of Canadians participating in different sports at the end of the period.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar gives information about the percentages of Canadians participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which are popular most from 1998 to 2005.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that almost active participation rates decreased
slightly
over the period shown,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
soccer.
Moreover
, Ice
Possible spelling mistake found.
hocky
and Golf were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
attracting the highest Canadians.

In 1998, Golf was the number-one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in Canada, with around 22%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
ahead of Ice
Possible spelling mistake found.
hocky
, with around 18%.
However
, throughout 7 years, the proportion of players in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
declined
slowly
by about 1%, while that of soccer increased to
nearly
10% in Canada.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart,
on the other hand
, Canada witnessed a rapid fall from
nearly
17% to 7% in the figure for active participation in Baseball during the period of 7 years.
In addition
, remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as Tennis, Cycling, Downhill/Alpine skiing, Volleyball, Basketball, and Swimming had a drop about 1% to 2% in the proportion of Canadians participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS academic The bar chart shows active participation rates in top ten sports in Canada in 1998 and 2005

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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