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The graph below shows the percentage of households, grouped by poverty, on the basis of access to refrigerator, electricity and water in Ghana for the year 1991/1992 to 1998/1999. v.1

The graph below shows the percentage of households, grouped by poverty, on the basis of access to refrigerator, electricity and water in Ghana for the year 1991/1992 to 1998/1999. v. 1
The diagram outlines how the electricity, refrigerator and water access to Ghanaians changed in seven years. The data was published by the Ghana Statistics Service in 2000 and admittance to these conveniences is categorized based on the economic conditions of Ghanaians. Overall, solvent people had far better access to these facilities while the availability of electricity and fridges deteriorated for poor Ghanaians. As the bar graph suggests, only 3% meagre citizens in Ghana had access to refrigerators in 1991/1992 despite 48% of them had electricity. Access to electrical energy for very poor declined by 14% after 7 years. However, water access was granted for over half of the scanty people in 91/92 fiscal year while it slightly improved afterwards. Poor Ghanaians’ access to electricity was somewhat better than very poor citizens but in 7 years the scenario deteriorated. Their access to refrigerators was 11% in 1991/92 which reduced by 5% in 1998/99. Moreover, around seven in ten poor citizens received water facilities which remained constant in 98/99. Finally, affluent Ghanaians had better access to these amenities as 85% of them had electric power in 1998/99 compared to 34% destitute Ghanaians access to this facility. Eight out of ten rich people had access to water and their admittance to these resources augmented over the period, unlike poor citizens.
The diagram outlines how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
, refrigerator and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in seven years. The data
was published
by the Ghana Statistics Service in 2000 and admittance to these conveniences
is categorized
based on the economic conditions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
.
Overall
, solvent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had far better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these facilities while the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
and fridges deteriorated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
.

As the bar graph suggests,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3%
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
in Ghana had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to refrigerators in 1991/1992 despite 48% of them had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Access
to electrical energy for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
declined by 14% after 7 years.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
was granted
for over half of the scanty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 91/92 fiscal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
while it
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
afterwards.

Poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was somewhat better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 7 years the scenario deteriorated. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to refrigerators was 11% in 1991/92 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 5% in 1998/99.
Moreover
, around seven in ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
received
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
facilities which remained constant in 98/99.

Finally
, affluent
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
had better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these amenities as 85% of them had electric power in 1998/99 compared to 34% destitute
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to this facility. Eight out of ten rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and their admittance to these resources augmented over the period, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of households, grouped by poverty, on the basis of access to refrigerator, electricity and water in Ghana for the year 1991/1992 to 1998/1999. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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