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The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city. v.1

The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city. v. 1
The bar graph exhibits how many people from two age groups (25-35 and 55-65) joined different clubs aimed for leisure activities in a small urban area. It is obvious that elder people preferred gardening while cycling was mostly taken up by youngsters. The diagram suggests that over 500 people between 25 and 65 years old enrolled one of the six clubs in this municipal. Youth mostly preferred cycling as more than 65 of them registered for this association compared to 10 elder members. On the contrary, gardening was picked up by roughly 55 elder people who were between 55 and 65 years old while only 25 youths took this. Photography was equally preferred as roughly 45 people from each age group joined the photography club. Fitness centres enlisted over 100 members and 50 of them were aged inhabitants. Arts are crafts clubs collected 60 young members while only 20 elders enrolled there. Finally, music clubs got over a hundred members and young members’ number was slightly higher than that of people over 54 years old.
The bar graph exhibits how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from two age groups (25-35 and 55-65)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
aimed for leisure activities in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
urban area. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred gardening while cycling was
mostly
taken up by youngsters.

The diagram suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between 25 and 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
enrolled one of the six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
in this municipal. Youth
mostly
preferred cycling as more than 65 of them registered for this association compared to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
On the contrary
, gardening
was picked
up by roughly 55
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were between 55 and 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25 youths took this. Photography was
equally
preferred as roughly 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from each age group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the photography
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
. Fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
enlisted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and 50 of them
were aged
inhabitants. Arts are crafts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
collected 60 young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
enrolled there.
Finally
, music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a hundred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members’
number was
slightly
higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
54 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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