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The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v.3

The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v. 3
The line graph compares per day consumption of three different spreads - 'margarine', 'low fat & reduced spreads', and 'butter' in a country between 1981 and 2007. Daily per person consumption has been measured in grams. Overall, the consumption of all spreads declined significantly from 1981 to 2007 with the exception of low fat & reduced spreads. Looking into detail, butter was the most preferred spread with 141 grams per day per person consumption in 1981. Consumption of margarine and low fat & reduced spreads was 99 grams and just 10 grams, respectively, in the same year. While the consumption of butter and dropped remarkably afterwards, people started to consume less amount of margarine as well. However, the intake of low fat and reduced spreads increased drastically and reached the peak of 80 grams in 2001, and became the most consumed spread in 2007. The consumption of butter and margarine decreased dramatically over a period of 28 years. In details, butter’s consumption rose steadily and touched a high of 170 grams per capita in 1986, but after that, it decreased continuously and reached nearly 55 grams by 2007. Similarly, margarine showed the same trend with some fluctuations, decreasing from 100 grams to 80 grams between 1979 and 2007.
The line graph compares per day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
'margarine', 'low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
&
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reduced
spreads', and 'butter' in a country between 1981 and 2007. Daily per person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
has
been measured
in grams.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
declined
significantly
from 1981 to 2007
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
spreads.

Looking into detail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
was the most preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
with 141
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
per day per person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in 1981.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
and low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
was 99
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
,
respectively
, in the same year. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
and dropped
remarkably
afterwards,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to consume less amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
as well
.
However
, the intake of low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
increased
drastically
and reached the peak of 80
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grams
in 2001, and became the most consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
in 2007.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
decreased
dramatically
over a period of 28 years. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
rose
steadily
and touched a high of 170
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
per capita in 1986,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that, it decreased
continuously
and reached
nearly
55
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
by 2007.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same trend with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, decreasing from 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
to 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
between 1979 and 2007.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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