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The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v.2

The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v. 2
The consumption of margarine, butter and low-fat spreads in a country from 1981 to 2007 is compared in the line chart. The daily per person ingesting is measured in grams. It is apparent that low fat & reduced spread had been in use from 1996 but soon it became the most preferred spread type in this country. As the data suggests, butter was the most consumed spread type in 1981 with slightly over 140-gram daily intakes.   Consumption of margarine in this year was just below 100 grams. After 5 years, the use of butter rose while it actually decreased for margarine. But both of their daily consumption intersected in 1991 as the demand for margarine remained steady till 1996 at which point butter consumption dripped as low as 65 grams per person. The use of butter steadily declined after 1986. The 'low fat and reduced spread' was introduced in 1996 and it soon became the most consumed spread type with a sharp rise in its use. In 2001, the demand for the latter spread reached as high as 80 grams while the other two spreads were losing their demand. Finally, in 2007, people consumed around 70 grams low fat and reduced spread, and consumptions of butter and margarine were around 45 and 40 grams consecutively at that time.
The
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consumption
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
,
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butter
and low-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
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spreads
in a country from 1981 to 2007
is compared
in the line chart. The daily per person ingesting
is measured
in
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grams
. It is apparent that low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
&
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
had been in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
from 1996
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
it became the most preferred
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spread
type in this country.

As the data suggests,
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butter
was the most consumed
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spread
type in 1981 with
slightly
over
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140-gram
daily intakes.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
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Consumption
of
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margarine
in this year was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 100
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grams
. After 5 years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
rose while it actually decreased for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
both of their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
intersected in 1991 as the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
remained steady till 1996 at which point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
dripped as low as 65
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grams
per person. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
steadily
declined after 1986. The 'low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
spread'
was introduced
in 1996 and it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
became the most consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
type with a sharp rise in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In 2001, the demand for the latter
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spread
reached as high as 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
while the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spreads
were losing their demand.
Finally
, in 2007,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consumed around 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spread
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
butter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
margarine
were around 45 and 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
consecutively
at that time.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the daily consumption of three spreads per person from 1981 to 2007 in a country. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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