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The pie charts below show responses by teachers of foreign languages in Britain to a survey concerning why their students are learning a foreign language. The first chart shows the main reason for learning a foreign language. The second chart shows how many teachers felt that there has been a recent change in the reason. v.5

The pie charts below show responses by teachers of foreign languages in Britain to a survey concerning why their students are learning a foreign language. The first chart shows the main reason for learning a foreign language. The second chart shows how many teachers felt that there has been a recent change in the reason. v. 5
The pie charts illustrate the survey results conducted in Britain to reveal the opinion of foreign languages teachers about their students’ motivation on attending their classes. The first chart shows the common factors that attract pupils to learn languages while the second chart displays the recent changes in those factors perceived by the teachers. It can be clearly seen that there are seven categories which the teachers consider as the main reasons. They are - having a foreign partner, travel, business/work, buying properties overseas, general interest, social contacts and personal development. To start with, based on teachers’ perceptions, business overseas trip and travelling were two domineering reasons for pupils to learn other languages. However, most of them agreed that there were different changes for both. More and more teachers thought that business purposes were the major reasons besides the others, but the percentage of those choosing travel as the main purpose fell dramatically from 33% to 3% of the total percentage. Subsequently, there were 7 % of teachers who agreed that social contacts factor was the main reason, and it even doubled recently. On the other hand, even though 7 % of teachers considering personal development as one of the main reasons, 3 % of them agreed that it was not valid anymore. Thus, general interest and foreign partner which was thought as the minor factors has not changed at all. Interestingly, 15 % of teachers reporting that there were no changes for all of the categories which considered as the main reason for students to study a foreign language.
The pie charts illustrate the survey results conducted in Britain to reveal the opinion of
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
about their students’ motivation on attending their classes. The
first
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that attract pupils to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
while the second chart displays the recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
perceived by the teachers.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are seven categories which the
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teachers
consider as the
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main
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reasons
. They are
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
having a
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foreign
partner, travel, business/work, buying properties overseas, general interest, social contacts and personal development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, based on
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teachers’
perceptions, business overseas trip and travelling were two domineering
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reasons
for pupils to learn other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
However
, most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
for both. More and more
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teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that business purposes were the major
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reasons
besides
the others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the percentage of those choosing travel as the
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main
purpose fell
dramatically
from 33% to 3% of the total percentage.

Subsequently
, there were 7 % of
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teachers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that social contacts
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factor
was the
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main
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reason
, and it even doubled recently.
On the other hand
,
even though
7 % of
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teachers
considering personal development as one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, 3 % of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that it was not valid anymore.
Thus
, general interest and
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foreign
partner which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as the minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
at all.
Interestingly
, 15 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
reporting that there were no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
categories which considered as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for students to study a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie charts below show responses by teachers of foreign languages in Britain to a survey concerning why their students are learning a foreign language. The first chart shows the main reason for learning a foreign language. The second chart shows how many teachers felt that there has been a recent change in the reason. v. 5

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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