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The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v.3

The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 3
The provided graph describes the yearly water consumption from ground water and public supply by 7 manufacturers in some country. The unit is measured in millions of cubic meters. Overall, the ground water usage is far more than public supply in most industries. Both of water supplies are mostly used in the chemical industry while the least consumption could be observed in textile and fuel industries. Looking at the detail, the chemical manufacturing requires 430 million m3 of ground water which is approximately twice than the water consumption in metal and paper industries. In this area, public water is also used highly, contributing 240 million m3 which is almost three times as many as metal industries’ water usage. Meanwhile, the company that uses less water is fuel and textiles and each of them only needs 10 million of public water and over 70 million for ground water. Food and drink companies have more demand for public supply than ground water supply, gaining 190 million m3 as opposed to 110 million from ground water. It is also true for the machinery comprises that consumes 100 million cubic meters of public water supply which is 10 times higher than the quantity of ground water.
The provided graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the yearly
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water
consumption from
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ground
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water
and
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public
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supply
by 7 manufacturers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
country. The unit
is measured
in
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millions
of cubic meters.

Overall
, the
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ground
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water
usage is far more than
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public
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supply
in most
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industries
. Both of
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water
supplies are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the chemical
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industry
while the least consumption could
be observed
in textile and fuel industries.

Looking at the detail, the chemical manufacturing requires 430
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million
m3 of
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ground
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water
which is approximately
Use "(twice)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
twice
than the
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water
consumption in metal and paper
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industries
. In this area,
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public
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water
is
also
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used
highly
, contributing 240
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million
m3 which is almost three times as
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many
as metal
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industries’
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water
usage. Meanwhile, the
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company
that
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uses
less
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water
is fuel and textiles and each of them
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only
needs 10
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million
of
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public
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water
and over 70
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million
for
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ground
water.

Food and drink
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companies
have more demand for
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public
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supply
than
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ground
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water
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supply
, gaining 190
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million
m3 as opposed to 110
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million
from
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ground
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water
. It is
also
true for the machinery comprises that consumes 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
cubic meters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
which is 10 times higher than the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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