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The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v.4

The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 4
The provided bar graph compares the average ground and supply water consumptions in seven different industries in several countries in a year. In general, those industries use more groundwater than supply water and the chemical industry is the highest water consumer. Looking at the details, the chemical industry requires about 430 million cubic meters of ground water and 240 million cubic meters of public supply water. This figure is accounted as almost twice higher than other industries, for instances, meal/beverages, metal and paper manufacturers utilise only 110, 240, and 190 million m3 of ground water and in addition, 190, 90 and 20 million m3 of public supply water every year respectively. Metal and paper industries are reckoned as almost half and one-twelveth water users respectively than the chemical industry. In contrast, fuel and textiles industries utilise the same amount of water and they are the lowest water consumers with pertaining figures of 70 and 80 million m3 per year of ground water respectively and with the similar quantity of public supply water of 10 million m3. Finally, the machinery industry consumes the least ground water of 10 million m3 and 100 million m3 public supply water which is slightly higher than the public supply water use of the metal industry.
The provided bar graph compares the average
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ground
and
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supply
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water
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
in seven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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industries
in several countries in a year.
In general
, those
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industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more groundwater than
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supply
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water
and the chemical
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industry
is the highest
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water
consumer.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the chemical
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industry
requires about 430
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million
cubic meters of
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ground
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water
and 240
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million
cubic meters of
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public
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supply
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water
. This figure
is accounted
as almost twice higher than other
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industries
, for instances, meal/beverages, metal and paper manufacturers
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
110, 240, and 190
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million
m3 of
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ground
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water
and
in addition
, 190, 90 and 20
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million
m3 of
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public
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supply
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water
every year
respectively
. Metal and paper
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industries
are reckoned
as almost half and
Possible spelling mistake found.
one-twelveth
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water
users
Use "(respectively)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
respectively
than the chemical industry.

In contrast
, fuel and textiles
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industries
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the same amount of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
water and
they are the lowest
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water
consumers with pertaining figures of 70 and 80
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million
m3 per year of
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ground
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water
respectively
and with the similar quantity of
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public
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supply
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water
of 10
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million
m3.
Finally
, the machinery
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industry
consumes the least
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ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
of 10
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million
m3 and 100
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million
m3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
which is
slightly
higher than the
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the metal
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industry
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The graph below shows usual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries in a year. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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