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The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995 v.5

The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995 v. 5
The pie charts above give us an detail information about the level of education that reached by women in Someland between the years 1945 and 1995. Overall, the women reach better education in 1995 rather than in 1945. At the beginning in 1945, there were no women in Someland reached post graduate level and only one percent who reached first degree level. Furthermore, the biggest number of woman, 70 %, in this year are no schooling and only third grade level which they share an equal number, 35% for each other. Comparing with data in 1995, there were increasing amount of number woman level of education, especially for first graduate and post graduate which the amount of number are 50% and 20% in respectively. Moreover, in this year, there were no more woman no schooling, third grade, or just until 6th grade. At least they were reached 9th grade which up to 10% of woman population. In summary, women’s schooling level in Someland made a significant improvement over 50 years.
The pie charts above give us
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
detail information about the
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level
of education that
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reached
by
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women
in
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Someland
between the years 1945 and 1995.
Overall
, the
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women
reach better education in 1995
rather
than in 1945.

At the beginning in 1945, there were no
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women
in
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Someland
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reached
post graduate
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level
and
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only
one percent who
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reached
first
degree
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level
.
Furthermore
, the biggest
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number
of
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woman
, 70 %, in this
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year
are no schooling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
which they share an equal
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number
, 35% for each other. Comparing with data in 1995, there were increasing amount of
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number
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woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education,
especially
for
first
graduate and post graduate which the amount of
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number
are 50% and 20% in
respectively
.
Moreover
, in this
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year
, there were no more
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woman
no schooling, third
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grade
, or
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just
until 6th
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grade
. At least they were
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reached
9th
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grade
which up to 10% of
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woman
population.

In summary,
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women’s
schooling
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level
in
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Someland
made a significant improvement over 50 years.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995 v. 5

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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