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The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v.3

The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v. 3
The provided pie charts present a comparison on the education level of females in Someland between the years 1945 and 1995. Overall, as is observed, more female got educated in Someland in 1995 than that of 1945. Firstly, women education scenario in Someland in 1945 was terrible as there was no postgraduate woman and only 1% women who completed their first degree in this year. It is of note that in 1945 the percentages of females who did not finish even 12th class degree comprised 95% of total women. 35% of these women never went to school at all. On the contrary, the women education in Someland after 50 years witnessed a noticeable improvement. In this year all women in Someland went to school and completed at least 9th grade. The percentage of women completed their first degree was half of the total woman. 20% women completed their post-graduation at that time which was a significant improvement in terms of the women education in 1945. In summary, women's schooling rates in Someland made a noticeable progress during a 50-year period from 1945 to 1995.
The provided pie charts present a comparison on the
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education
level of females in
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Someland
between the years 1945 and 1995.
Overall
, as
is observed
, more female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
educated in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
in 1995 than that of 1945.

Firstly
,
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
scenario in
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Someland
in 1945 was terrible as there was no postgraduate woman and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1%
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women
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completed
their
first
degree in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. It is of note that in 1945 the percentages of females who did not finish even 12th
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
degree comprised 95% of total
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women
. 35% of these
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women
never went to school at all.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
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Someland
after 50 years witnessed a noticeable improvement. In this
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year
all
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women
in
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Someland
went to school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completed
at least 9th grade. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completed
their
first
degree was half of the total woman. 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completed
their post-graduation at that time which was a significant improvement in terms of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in 1945.

In summary, women's schooling rates in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
made
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "noticeable progress".
a noticeable progress
during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
50-year
period from 1945 to 1995.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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