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The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v.4

The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v. 4
The given pie charts compare the highest education level among women in Someland in 50 years duration. As is observed from the given data, the women made a remarkable progress in education over the 50 year’s period in Someland. Initially, in 1945, more than one-third women in Someland did not have any schooling experience while another one-third could manage education until third grade only. Less than 1% women in this year managed to get their graduation or post-graduation degree. This reflects the poor education level among the female of Someland in 1945. After 50 years, the education level among women in Someland remarkably improved and more than 50% women finished their first degree while 20% of them completed their post-graduation. Remaining women either finished their 12th-grade education or studied till 9th grade. No women were left unattended to school and that’s a remarkable progress for women in education in Someland. In summary, education level among women improved significantly over the 50 years period in Someland.
The
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given
pie charts compare the highest
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education
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level
among
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women
in
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Someland
in 50 years duration. As
is observed
from the
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given
data, the
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women
made
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "remarkable progress".
a remarkable progress
in
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education
over the 50
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year’s
period in
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Someland
.

Initially
, in 1945, more than one-third
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women
in
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Someland
did not have any schooling experience while another one-third could manage
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education
until third grade
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only
. Less than 1%
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women
in this
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year
managed to
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get
their graduation or post-graduation degree. This reflects the poor
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education
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level
among the female of
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Someland
in 1945.

After 50 years, the
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
among
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women
in
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Someland
remarkably
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improved
and more than 50%
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women
finished their
first
degree while 20% of them completed their post-graduation. Remaining
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women
either finished their 12th-grade
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education
or studied till 9th grade. No
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women
were
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left
unattended to school and that’s
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "remarkable progress".
a remarkable progress
for
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women
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
.

In summary,
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
among
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women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
over the 50 years period in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS academic The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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