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The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v.3

The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 3
The bar chart compares the number of births per thousand women in six different Arabian countries between 1990 and 2000, with a gap of 10 years. Overall, there was a noticeable drop in the fertility rate of women in all these six nations over the period, and the remarkable drop was recorded in Oman. However, the birth rate was comparatively higher in Oman compared to other nations in the survey throughout the period. It is clear that though the fertility rate per women in Oman decreased from 7 to just above 5 in 1990, Oman remained to record the highest fertility rate among other nations followed by Saudi Arabia over a period of 10 years. The figures for childbirth per thousand women in Saudi Arabia was above 6 in 1990, which dropped to well over to 5 in 2000. Noticeably when Qatar and UAE registered almost an equal 4 births per thousand women in the initial year of the survey, Bahrain and Kuwait showed a fertility rate between 3 to 4. By contrast, after 10 years, both the nations experienced a similar falling trend in the fertility rates of their women to roughly an equal 3 and just above 2 respectively.
The bar chart compares the number of births per thousand
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women
in six
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different
Arabian countries between 1990 and 2000, with a gap of 10 years.
Overall
, there was a noticeable drop in the
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fertility
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rate
of
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women
in all these six
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nations
over the period, and the remarkable drop
was recorded
in Oman.
However
, the birth
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rate
was
comparatively
higher in Oman compared to other
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nations
in the survey throughout the period.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that though the
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fertility
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rate
per
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women
in Oman decreased from 7 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 5 in 1990, Oman remained to record the highest
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fertility
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rate
among other
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nations
followed by Saudi Arabia over a period of 10 years. The figures for childbirth per thousand
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women
in Saudi Arabia was above 6 in 1990, which dropped to well over to 5 in 2000.
Noticeably
when Qatar and UAE registered almost an equal 4 births per thousand
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women
in the initial
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year
of the survey, Bahrain and Kuwait
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
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fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 3 and 4".
between 3 to 4
. By contrast, after 10 years, both the
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nations
experienced a similar falling trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of their
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women
to roughly an equal 3 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 2
respectively
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 3

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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