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The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v.1

The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 1
The provided bar graph compares the fertility rates of women in 6 different Gulf countries between 1990 and 2000. The fertility rate of those women was compared in two different years with a gap of 10 years - 1990 and 2000. As is evident in the bar graph, the fertility rates declined over the decade in all the countries and women in Oman and Saudi Arabia had higher fertility rates than the women in other four countries. In 1990, the fertility rate for each woman in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and UAE was on an average between 3 to 4.   However, this figures reduced to 2-3 by the year 2000. On the other hand, Omani and Saudi Arabian women had the highest fertility rates during both of the years. Oman had the largest number of childbirths per thousand woman, which was 7 in 1990 and just above 5 in 2000. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia remained in the second position with relatively a higher fertility rate. It is quite obvious to notice that the fertility rate of women in all these Gulf countries reduced in 2000 than it was 10 years earlier. To summarise, even though there was a decrease in the women fertility rates, Oman and Saudi Arabian women continued to show a fairly higher fertility rate among the women in these 6 Gulf countries.
The provided bar graph compares the
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fertility
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rates
of
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women
in 6
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different
Gulf
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countries
between 1990 and 2000. The
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fertility
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rate
of those
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women
was compared
in two
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different
years with a gap of 10 years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
1990 and 2000. As is evident in the bar graph, the
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fertility
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rates
declined over the decade in all the
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countries
and
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women
in Oman and Saudi Arabia had higher
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fertility
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rates
than the
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women
in other four countries.

In 1990, the
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fertility
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rate
for each woman in Bahrain, Kuwait, Qatar and UAE was on an average
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between 3 to 4
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
However
, this figures
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reduced
to 2-3 by the
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year
2000.
On the other hand
, Omani and Saudi Arabian
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women
had the highest
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fertility
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rates
during both of the years. Oman had the largest number of childbirths per thousand woman, which was 7 in 1990 and
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just
above 5 in 2000. Meanwhile, Saudi Arabia remained in the second position with
relatively
a higher
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fertility
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rate
. It is quite obvious to notice that the
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fertility
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rate
of
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women
in all these Gulf
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countries
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reduced
in 2000 than it was 10 years earlier.

To
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summarise
,
even though
there was a decrease in the
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women
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fertility
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rates
, Oman and Saudi Arabian
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women
continued to
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show
a
fairly
higher
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fertility
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rate
among the
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women
in these 6 Gulf
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countries
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the fertility rate of women in different Gulf Countries from 1990 to 2000. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
224 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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