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The pie charts below indicate the primary uses of the internet in Japan in the years 1995 and 2005. v.1

The pie charts below indicate the primary uses of the internet in Japan in the years 1995 and 2005. v. 1
The pie charts compare the five main reasons for internet use in Japan in two different years, 1995 and 2005. Overall, while the percentage of internet use for work and study increased in 2005, it both decreased for communication and entertainment. It is also noticeable that work remained the major reason for internet usage after 10 years. In 1995, the proportion of people who use the internet for work in Japan was the highest among the other purposes at 31% and rose significantly by 14% to 45% in 2005. Similarly, the figure for people who used the internet for studying went up from over a quarter to 30% over a decade. In terms of communication, the percentage declined slightly from around a fifth in 1995 to just over a tenth in 2005. The figure for entertainment had a more significant reduction from nearly a quarter in 1995 to end with almost the same proportion as communication in 2005 with 13%.
The pie charts compare the five main reasons for internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in Japan in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years, 1995 and 2005.

Overall
, while the percentage of internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for work and study increased in 2005, it both decreased for communication and entertainment. It is
also
noticeable that work remained the major reason for internet usage after 10 years.

In 1995, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for work in Japan was the highest among the other purposes at 31% and rose
significantly
by 14% to 45% in 2005.
Similarly
, the figure for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for studying went up from over a quarter to 30% over a decade.

In terms of communication, the percentage declined
slightly
from around a fifth in 1995 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a tenth in 2005. The figure for entertainment had a more significant reduction from
nearly
a quarter
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in


1995 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
with almost the same proportion as communication in 2005 with 13%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The pie charts below indicate the primary uses of the internet in Japan in the years 1995 and 2005. v. 1

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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