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The graphs below show the total production and sources of electricity in two countries in 1980 and 2000. v.2

The graphs below show the total production and sources of electricity in two countries in 1980 and 2000. v. 2
The pie charts compare the amount of electricity produced and the sources used for its production in Australia and France in two separate years, 1980 and 2000. Overall, the total electricity production increased dramatically from 1980 to 2000 in both countries despite the differences in the sources used. It is also noticeable that coal was the main source of electricity generation in Australia in the years given, while in France nuclear power overtook coal and gas in 2000. Coal was used to produce 50 units of the total 100 units of electricity in Australia in 1980, and this figure rose to 130 units out of 170 units in 2000. By contrast, nuclear power became the most important source in France in 200 producing approximately 75% of its electricity. Electricity production from hydro power in Australia went up from 20 units in 1980 to 36 units in 2000 but in France, the amount of electricity produced from this source dropped from 5 units to 2 units. Oil, on the other hand, remained a significant source in France but its use declined in Australia. In both countries, the production of electricity from natural gas was significantly bigger in 1980 compared in 2000.
The pie charts compare the amount of
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electricity
produced and the
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sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for its
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production
in Australia and France in two separate years, 1980 and 2000.

Overall
, the total
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electricity
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production
increased
dramatically
from 1980 to 2000 in both countries despite the differences in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. It is
also
noticeable that coal was the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
generation in Australia in the years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, while in France nuclear power overtook coal and gas in 2000.

Coal was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce 50
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units
of the total 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
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electricity
in Australia in 1980, and this figure rose to 130
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units
out of 170
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units
in 2000. By contrast, nuclear power became the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
in France in 200 producing approximately 75% of its electricity.

Electricity
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production
from
This word is normally spelled as one.
hydro power
in Australia went up from 20
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units
in 1980 to 36
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units
in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in France, the amount of
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electricity
produced from this
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source
dropped from 5
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units
to 2
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units
. Oil,
on the other hand
, remained a significant
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source
in France
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
declined in Australia. In both countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
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electricity
from natural gas was
The extreme adjective for big is "huge", "massive", "colossal", "gigantic", or "giant".
significantly bigger
in 1980 compared in 2000.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The graphs below show the total production and sources of electricity in two countries in 1980 and 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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