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the picture show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK. v.2

the picture show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK. v. 2
The table compares the lever of expenditure British earning for living and the amount of money they spent on food and clothes, while the bar charts illustrate the percentage of expense on those daily categories in a family on average over a three year period from 2010 to 2013. Overall, there was a dramatic downward trend in the level of income while this figure for amount of expense they spent on food and clothes increased slightly. Another interesting point is that the food took a bigger proportion in the British people’s budget in comparison with clothes figure. Looking at details, in 2010 each family in Britain on averaged earned 29000 for living and they spent nearly half of that amount of money on food and clothes. Meanwhile, the level of income in 2013 fell enormously to 25000, this figure for spending on food and clothes rise slightly by 1000. On the other hand, in 2010 the expenditure on meat and fish and fruit and vegetable made up the majority in the total, by 26% and 29% in turn. However, in the next three year, while the percentage of money people paying for meat and fished dropped by 6%, this figure for fruit and vegetables went up to exactly 30%. Clothes and daily products also witness a contrast trend. Their figure in 2010 were 15% and 12% respectively, but in 2013, percentage of family budget paid for daily products reach 16% as opposed to 2% decrease in the figure for clothes. The money people spent on other food stayed unchanged at 18% over the period given.
The table compares the lever of expenditure British earning for living and the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, while the bar charts illustrate the percentage of expense on those daily categories in a family on average over a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "three-year"
three year
period from 2010 to 2013.

Overall
, there was a dramatic downward trend in the level of income while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for amount of expense they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
increased
slightly
. Another interesting point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
took a bigger proportion in the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s budget
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
figure.

Looking at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in 2010 each family in Britain on averaged earned 29000 for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
living and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
nearly
half of that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. Meanwhile, the level of income in 2013 fell
enormously
to 25000, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
rise
slightly
by 1000.

On the other hand
, in 2010 the expenditure on meat and fish and fruit and vegetable made up the majority in the total, by 26% and 29% in turn.
However
, in the
next
three year, while the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
paying for meat and fished dropped by 6%, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for fruit and vegetables went up to exactly 30%.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Clothes
and daily products
also
witness a contrast trend. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
in 2010 were 15% and 12%
respectively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2013, percentage of family budget paid for daily products reach 16% as opposed to 2% decrease in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stayed unchanged at 18% over the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic the picture show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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