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The charts below show one government’s spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in same years. v.2

The charts below show one government’s spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in same years. v. 2
The tables illustrate the numerial of focusing of government’s putting efforts In the culture and education field from 1995 and 2005, the total of participated in Arts events in the same years. From 1995, it is clear that the governments pay attention of literature while the people are quite low joining literature events. Since 2005, the authority has changes to make a balanced portion of literature and music. Started by 1995, the literature are main focus of the state which had been spending a half from the total proportional. In addition, visual arts became the second concern to spread the culture and education. Moreover, theatre had third place which the portion a little bit low than visual arts. Furthermore, music is not big attention for the country which music is the lowest range from the total pie charts. After one decades, the government made a balanced between literature and theatre which the rate was similar. However, music had a small rise to a quarter of stages. The number of visual arts was one-fourth dropped. From 1995 to 2005, the number participated of the events did not have significant transportation while visual arts around 50, 000 or less, theatre 70, 000 to 90, 000 people, music approximately 120, 000 to 150, 000, and literature below 50, 000. In conclusion, the repsentative of country expected developing culture and education in four areas (visual arts, theatre, music, literature) which can be attract number of citizent joinning the programme. From those factors, the highest people interested is music which is government less focus it.
The tables illustrate the
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numerial
of focusing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
putting efforts In the culture and education field
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1995 to 2005"?
from 1995 and 2005
, the total of participated in
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Arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the same years. From 1995, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
pay attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are quite low joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Since 2005, the authority has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balanced portion of
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literature
and music.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Started
by 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
are main focus of the state which had been spending a half from the total proportional.
In addition
, visual
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arts
became the second concern to spread the culture and education.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
had third place which the portion a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
Use "lower" to make a comparison with this adjective.
low
than visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Furthermore
,
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music
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
attention for the country which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the lowest range from the total pie charts.

After
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one decade", "a decade", or simply "decades"?
one decades
, the
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government
made a balanced between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
which the rate was similar.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rise to a quarter of stages. The number of visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
was one-fourth dropped. From 1995 to 2005, the number participated of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
did not have significant transportation while visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
around 50, 000 or less,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
70, 000 to 90, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
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music
approximately 120, 000 to 150, 000, and
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literature
below 50, 000.

In conclusion
, the
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repsentative
of country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
developing culture and education in four areas (visual
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arts
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature)
which can be
Consider using the past participle "attracted"?
attract
number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizent
Possible spelling mistake found.
joinning
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. From those factors, the highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interested is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
less focus it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The charts below show one government’s spending on culture and education in 1995 and 2005 and the number of people participating in Arts events in same years. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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