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Many university students live with their families, while others live away fromtheir home because their universities are in different places. What are theadvantages and disadvantages of both situations? v.2

Many university students live with their families, while others live away fromtheir home because their universities are in different places. What are theadvantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 2
This essay is about the the advantages and disadvantages of the university students who live with their families and the ones who live away from their homes because their universities are in different place. As one can say it isn’t about the where the student lives but its about the knowledge that they acquire and it is also highly arguable that where the students live also has many advantages as well as disadvantages. The advantages and disadvantages of both situations are given below. The students who live away from their home because their universities are in different places are having a lot of advantages and it is most suggested by experienced elders that students should go to different place (away from their homes) to study their higher education as they will learn a lot of life lessons which isn’t possible to have learned it while sitting at their homes. One of the biggest advantages is that they learn to live by themselves and to survive the open world. The disadvantages are that, they don’t get their emotional support of their loved ones being around them and also that it is also very easy for them to get into the wrong path in life. Meanwhile the students who live with their families aren’t experiencing any less, their advantages are that they have emotional support at the nearest and many more. The disadvantages are that, their home and family becomes a comfort place and tend relay more on their family rather than on themselves. In conclusion, I’d like to say that it doesn’t matter where they live, it matters who they choose to be.
This essay is about
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
universities
are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
one can say it isn’t about the where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lives


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its about the knowledge that they acquire and it is
also
highly
arguable that where the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
as well
as disadvantages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
disadvantages
of both situations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
below.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
away from their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their universities are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


places are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and it is most suggested by experienced elders that

students should go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place (away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes)
to study their higher

education as they will learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
life lessons which isn’t possible to have learned it

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
sitting at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. One of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
is that they learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
by


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
themselves
and to survive the open world. The disadvantages are that, they don’t
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
get


their emotional support of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
being around them and
also
that it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
easy
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path in life.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
aren’t experiencing any less, their

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
advantages
are that they have emotional support at the nearest and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. The

disadvantages are that, their home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
becomes a comfort place and tend relay

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
rather
than on themselves.
In conclusion
, I’d like to say that it doesn’
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
t


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
matter
where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, it matters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they choose to be.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS academic Many university students live with their families, while others live away fromtheir home because their universities are in different places. What are theadvantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 2

Academic
  American English
19 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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