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The table below shows the percentage of journey by different means in 4 countries and the bar graph shows the reasons for Canadian people to use a car to reach their workplace. v.1

The table below shows the percentage of journey by different means in 4 countries and the bar graph shows the reasons for Canadian people to use a car to reach their workplace. v. 1
The table data presents information on modes of transportations used by the citizens in four countries while the bar chart shows the reasons for using cars by Canadians to reach their offices. Overall, the car is the most preferred transportation and most of the people in Canada travel by cars because they think they do not have a better alternative or their need for work. According to the table, nine out of ten journeys in Canada are made by private cars and Canadian people use cars for commuting more than the people in other countries do. The bicycle is used by Dutch citizens for about half of their journeys while the people in other countries, scarcely use bicycles for their movements. Similarly, Dutch people walks more than the citizens of other countries and their walking comprises 18% of their total journey. German and Belgians also preferred to walk while Canadians scarcely do it.   German use public transport more than mass people in other countries do which counts 18 percent of their total journey. Based on the bar graph, more than one-third Canadians use cars to reach their workplace because they think they do not have any better alternative. Three out of ten persons use personal cars for their work-need while more than 5% people are forced to use personal cars because they work night shifts. One in every five persons thinks that journey in a car to the office is more convenient while just over 10% citizens do that for faster travelling.
The table data presents information on modes of transportations
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used
by the
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citizens
in four
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countries
while the bar chart
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shows
the reasons for using
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cars
by Canadians to reach their offices.
Overall
, the
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car
is the most preferred transportation and most of the
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people
in Canada travel by
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cars
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because
they
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think
they do not have a better alternative or their need for work.

According to the table, nine out of ten
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journeys
in Canada
are made
by private
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cars
and Canadian
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people
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use
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cars
for commuting more than the
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people
in
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other
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countries
do. The bicycle is
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used
by Dutch
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citizens
for about half of their
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journeys
while the
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people
in
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other
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countries
,
scarcely
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use
bicycles for their movements.
Similarly
, Dutch
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
walks
more than the
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citizens
of
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other
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countries
and their walking comprises 18% of their total
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journey
. German and Belgians
also
preferred to walk while Canadians
scarcely
do it.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
German
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use
public transport more than mass
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people
in
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other
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countries
do which counts 18 percent of their total journey.

Based on the bar graph, more than one-third Canadians
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use
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cars
to reach their workplace
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because
they
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think
they do not have any better alternative. Three out of ten persons
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use
personal
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cars
for their work-need while more than 5%
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people
are forced
to
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use
personal
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cars
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because
they work night shifts. One in every five persons
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thinks
that
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journey
in a
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car
to the office is more convenient while
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just
over 10%
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citizens
do that for faster travelling.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The table below shows the percentage of journey by different means in 4 countries and the bar graph shows the reasons for Canadian people to use a car to reach their workplace. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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