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The pie charts below compare the hours worked by employees and self-employed homeworkers in 2014 in the UK. v.1

The pie charts below compare the hours worked by employees and self-employed homeworkers in 2014 in the UK. v. 1
The pie charts illustrate the comparison of working hours for two categories of people, which are doing their job from home, self-employed and employees. They depicts the compare of the people in the United kingdom in the year 2014. Overall, while employees are operating the average amounts of hours, self-employed are have to do their jobs much less hours. The total amount of people engaged in diverse segments is very different. Whilst the most of the employees home workers have to do 30-45 hrs, which is almost a half, 42, 1%, over a third of self-employment, are tend to do a job these hours. The minority of those, who are operating for employers, about 26, 4%, should not to do a lot of work, 30 hrs and less. In contrast, a greater proportion of (40, 2%) self-employed doing the same hours. The percentage of those, who are doing operation for themselves and for employers at home in the united kingdom in the year 2014 are working more than 45 hrs per week was not absolutely the same, about 25, 3% and 31, 4%, respectively. Though, for the first group of people this made up the smallest part of the chart.
The pie charts illustrate the comparison of working
hours
for two categories of
people
, which are doing their job from home, self-employed and employees. They
depicts
the compare of the
people
in the
United kingdom
in the year 2014.

Overall
, while employees are operating the average amounts of
hours
, self-employed are
have
to do their jobs much less
hours
. The total amount of
people
engaged in diverse segments is
very
different
.

Whilst the most of the employees home workers
have to
do 30-45 hrs, which is almost a half, 42, 1%, over a third of self-employment, are
tend
to do a job these
hours
. The minority of those, who are operating for employers, about 26, 4%, should not to do
a lot of
work, 30 hrs and less.
In contrast
, a greater proportion of (40, 2%) self-employed doing the same hours.

The percentage of those, who are doing operation for themselves and for employers at home in the
united kingdom
in the year 2014 are working more than 45 hrs per week was not
absolutely
the same, about 25, 3% and 31, 4%,
respectively
. Though, for the
first
group of
people
this made up the smallest part of the chart.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
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Elif Safak

IELTS academic The pie charts below compare the hours worked by employees and self-employed homeworkers in 2014 in the UK. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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