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The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year. v.3

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year. v. 3
The pie charts depict income and expenditure in a year by an American charity organization for children. Overall, the children's charity had exactly six sources of funds and among them, the ultimate source was food donation whereas they spent their money in three sectors and program services cost them the highest percentage of money. While the charity largely spent money on the program service and it was precisely 95. 8%, they vastly got their funds as donated food and it bought 86. 6% of their yearly earnings. The second large income source was the community contribution, which was one-tenth; however, the second maximum cost was for the fundraising and it was 2. 6% of the total cost. Moreover, there were four other sources of revenue for this organization - program revenue (2. 2%), investment income (0. 2%), government grants (0. 2%), and other income(0. 4%). On the other hand, management and general cost accounted for 1. 6% of the total budget and it was the lowest expenditure made by the charity. Furthermore, the total receiving fund was $53, 561, 580 in a year and the total cost was $53, 224, 896 which shows just over 330, 000 saving for the charity this year.
The pie charts depict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and expenditure in a year by an American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
organization for children.
Overall
, the children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
had exactly six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of funds and among them, the ultimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
was food donation whereas they spent their money in three sectors and program services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
them the highest percentage of money.

While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
largely
spent money on the program service and it was
precisely
95. 8%, they
vastly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their funds as donated food and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
86. 6% of their yearly earnings. The second large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
was the community contribution, which was one-tenth;
however
, the second maximum
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cost
was for the fundraising and it was 2. 6% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
cost.

Moreover
, there were four other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of revenue for this organization
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
program revenue (2. 2%), investment
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income
(0. 2%),
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
grants (0.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
2%
), and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income(0
. 4%).
On the other hand
, management and general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
accounted for 1. 6% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
budget and it was the lowest expenditure made by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
receiving fund was $53, 561, 580 in a year and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
was $53, 224, 896 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 330, 000 saving for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
this year.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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