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The pie chart below shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year v.2

The pie chart below shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year v. 2
The charts give information about the proportion of money spent and received by children`s charity in the USA in a year. Overall, The most significant facts to emerge from the charts are that total revenues ( $53, 561, 580) of children`s charity has a higher number than total expenditures ($53, 224, 896). In addition, While the figure for donated food shows its superiority over that for other revenue sources, that for program services dominates the expenditures from children' s charity. Regarding the amount of the income, donated food has a larger percentage, which is accounted for 86. 6% of total revenue ̶ the greatest proportion in this section. This is followed by Community contributions, program revenue, and other income, which are listed at 10. 4%, 2. 2%, and 0. 4% (of total revenue) each. The exceptions are investment income and government grant that have a similar amount, which is recorded at 0. 2% of total revenue ̶ the smallest proportion of income in children’s charity. Turning to the proportion of outcome, program services have the highest level of money that children’s charity spent, which is noted at 95. 8% of total expenditures. Moreover, there are fundraising and management and general, which become the lowest level of this area. While the former stands at 2. 6% of total expenditures, the latter accounts for 1. 6% of total expenditures.
The charts give information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of money spent and received by
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
charity in the USA in a year.
Overall
, The most significant facts to emerge from the charts are that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenues
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
$53, 561, 580) of
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
charity has a higher number than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
($53, 224, 896).
In addition
, While the figure for donated food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
its superiority over that for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
sources, that for program services dominates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s charity.

Regarding the amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, donated food has a larger percentage, which
is accounted
for 86. 6% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
̶ the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
in this section. This
is followed
by Community contributions, program
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revenue
, and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, which
are listed
at 10. 4%, 2. 2%, and 0. 4% (of
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total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue)
each. The exceptions are investment
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income
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
grant that have a similar amount, which
is recorded
at 0. 2% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
̶ the smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
charity.

Turning to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of outcome, program services have the highest level of money that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
charity spent, which
is noted
at 95. 8% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
.
Moreover
, there are fundraising and management and
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "generals"?
general
, which become the lowest level of this area.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the former stands at 2. 6% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
, the latter accounts for 1. 6% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic The pie chart below shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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