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The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year. v.2

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year. v. 2
The given pie charts illustrate how a children's charity in the USA collected and used its money in a year. The first chart is categorized into 6 different revenue sources and the second one is divided into 3 purposes of expenditures. Overall, it can be seen that the foundation obtained the largest portion of its money from the donated food. On the other hand, it spent most of its money on the program services. To begin with, 86. 6 per cent of revenue for this children's charity came from donated food in a year, which is over eight times as much as contributions from the community (10. 4%). These two sources accounted for exactly 97 per cent of the total income. Additionally, more than two per cent income was provided by the program revenue. Finally, the government grants and other income were almost unnoticeable, less than 0. 5 per cent. At the same time, the charity had to spend almost 96% on its program services. Regarding the remaining 4. 2 per cent of expenditures, 2. 6% was for fundraising and the rest was spent for management and general purposes. It is worth noticing that the total amount of income was $53, 561, 580, which was just enough to cover the expenditures of $53, 224, 896. At the end of the year, the charity had a saving of just over 330 thousand dollars.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate how a children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
in the USA collected and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
its money in a year. The
first
chart
is categorized
into 6
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
revenue sources and the second one
is divided
into 3 purposes of expenditures.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the foundation obtained the largest portion of its money from the donated food.
On the other hand
, it spent most of its money on the program services.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, 86. 6 per cent of revenue for
Did you mean "these"?
this
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
came from donated food in a year, which is over eight times as much as contributions from the community (10. 4%). These two sources accounted for exactly 97 per cent of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
Additionally
, more than two per cent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was provided
by the program revenue.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
grants and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
were almost unnoticeable, less than 0. 5 per cent.

At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
had to spend almost 96% on its program services. Regarding the remaining 4. 2 per cent of expenditures, 2. 6% was for fundraising and the rest
was spent
for management and general purposes. It is worth noticing that the total amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was $53, 561, 580, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover the expenditures of $53, 224, 896. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
had a saving of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 330 thousand dollars.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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