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The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v.2

The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 2
The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. It is clear that most people drove their cars to move around the city in 2000. Overall, those of foot and bike fell sharply compared to a significant increase in the data of car and some constant oscillation in the figure for bus over the period shown. In 1960, the percentage of people going on foot to and from work was highest, at just under 30%, followed by that of bike, with approximately 25%. In comparison about 16% was the proportion of bus users, yet the data of car was exponentially lower, merely 5%. The year 2000 witnessed a soar in the figure for car, to just over 35%, making car the most used mean of transport while there was a dramatically drop and a plummet in those of bike and foot, to about 5% and 7% respectively. In contrast, after reaching a peak at just over 25%, the proportion of people travelling by bus decreased moderately to roughly 4%.
The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of transport in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
drove their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around the city in 2000.
Overall
, those of foot and bike fell
sharply
compared to a significant increase in the data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
constant oscillation in the figure for bus over the period shown.

In 1960, the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going on foot to and from work was highest, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 30%, followed by that of bike, with approximately 25%. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
comparison
about 16% was the proportion of bus users,
yet
the data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
was
exponentially
lower,
merely
5%.

The year 2000 witnessed a soar in the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 35%, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mean of transport while there was a
You used an adverb ('dramatically') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('drop') instead of another adjective.
dramatically drop
and a plummet in those of bike and foot, to about 5% and 7%
respectively
.
In contrast
, after reaching a peak at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 25%, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling by bus decreased
moderately
to roughly 4%.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart compares the percentage of commuters using for different types of transport in an European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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